Melanie Stevenson

5 Things to Let Go of This Year

If you’re like me, you’ve already made your goals and chosen your word of the year. But here’s a thought. What would happen if we let go of a few things and lightened our load instead of adding to our burden? I know it sounds counter-intuitive, and how could I bring up such a thing at a time like this when we are busy breaking down how we’ll execute our plans?

But what if our best-made plans, our detailed lists of things to accomplish, were simply a way of controlling a life that wasn’t ours to control? What if we hold on so tightly to our lives or others that we miss the fullness of the journey? What if we let go of a few things instead of adding them?

Pondering this, I came up with a few thoughts regarding some things we could stand to let go of this year. Who couldn’t use to feel a little lighter, especially after all those Christmas cookies? Don’t worry; this blog isn’t about physical weight loss but about losing the things that are weighing us down, some of which we don’t even give a second thought to.

  1. Let Go of Old Patterns of Thinking

So often, we hold on tight to habitual ways of thinking, well-worn paths our mind automatically treads. Then, there are ideas, limiting beliefs, and lies we cling to about ourselves or others that are untrue and fail to align with God’s truth. There may even be some protective walls we erected to keep us comfortable and safe, which may have been necessary in the past but are no longer helpful and are hindering our growth. Perhaps we continue using the hardened bricks of hatred and bitterness to form walls when letting go means forgiveness and our freedom. Or, we may even find some fearful thoughts that are paralyzing our courage. What patterns of thinking you would be better off letting go of this year?

2. Let Go of Old Behaviors

What about the old behaviors we have established, play-it-safe postures we have adopted, where we no longer try new things, stretch ourselves, or make an effort in some area of our lives? We forget how to play and how to approach life with curiosity and wonder and instead approach it with caution. We forget that small things make a big difference and that even one small step can make a difference or elicit change. These negative behaviors paralyze our purpose and limit forward momentum. But things shift when we let go of the need to control the outcome and simply try our best. We grow in bravery and let go of the idea of failure, embracing setbacks as challenges and learning while making space for childlike wonder.

3. Let Go of Clutter

Our lives can be cluttered with so much stuff. Sometimes, that looks like a home that could use some decluttering, but often, it’s an stuffed schedule. Have we said yes too often and are drowning in overcommitment? Are there activities we should let go of to make breathing space in our week? We need to ask ourselves why we are keeping such a ragged pace, be brutally honest about the answer, and make changes from there. It’s surprising how letting go of a hectic schedule and making space often makes us feel physically lighter and happier, even when we originally thought it impossible to do so.

4. Let Go of People

Sometimes, we try to control our environment or others in an attempt to make things as we wish them to be instead of letting go and allowing them to become all they were meant to. We hold on too tight to our spouse, children, friends, or family for fear of losing them or attempting to form them into something we wish them to be instead of allowing them space to grow. We may force our preferences, timing, expectations, or worldview on them instead of loving them where they are and allowing them to grow into who God created them to be. But releasing our white-knuckled grip and letting go of control often allows ourselves and others room to flourish. Not forcing the outcome of situations but letting them unfold in time often leads to things we couldn’t have thought to ask for or imagine.

5. Let Go of People Pleasing

We would do well to let go of the weight of what others think of us. Caring too much about how others view us leads to people-pleasing. When we place undo importance on having people like us, we tend to behave inauthentically, not remaining true to who we really are, shape-shifting, or being agreeable even when we hold a differing opinion. But allowing others to have that much sway over us is futile. The antidote for this is to simply love others as we love ourselves through the love of God. In doing so, we become free of others’ opinions of us, secure in who we are in Christ and his love for us. When we let go of people’s approval and praise, we find lightness and greater peace.

Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”, and we are loved by God. It is his desire that we are made whole in him. Since “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3), we are well equipped through Christ and can let go of the old in anticipation of the new.

This year, may we have the wisdom to know the things we need to release to make room for the things of true importance. May we find the courage to let go of old patterns of thinking, old behaviors, people, and people-pleasing, and live uncluttered, free of unnecessary things that weigh us down.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfected of faith.” ~Hebrews 12: 1-2

Things to Ponder:

  1. What habitual thinking or behaviors am I hanging onto that no longer serve me? What can I replace them with?
  2. What things in my schedule do I need to let go of? If you are overwhelmed, don’t believe the lie that you can’t let some things go. Once you say no, you’ll be surprised by the degree of joy a freed-up schedule affords.
  3. You may need to look at how you may have fallen into people-pleasing to let go of some commitments. A good starting place is to ask yourself whether you are doing something for the praise of others or because it brings you joy and lines up with your gifts. This will take some raw honesty with yourself. Even too much of a good thing is too much, so find a way to cut things out. For more on this, see my blog post “Let Your Yes Be Yes, and Your No Be No” (link below)
Let Your Yes be Yes, and Your No Be No

Looking for some encouragement in the new year? Check out my 31-day devotional journal, Soul Focus.

The Elusiveness of Rest

Why does rest seem such an illusive state to many of us? How is it that we somehow keep pushing ourselves, sometimes to our absolute limit, without even realizing it? Why do we feel guilty if we take a break? Why do we drive ourselves so ruthlessly?

For most of my adult life, rest was a foreign concept to me. In my late thirties, my chiropractor asked me what I do to relax. I looked at him blankly and couldn’t think of a single thing. My friends used to ask me what I did for “alone time” (since I homeschooled my kids), and I would respond with something to the effect that “alone time” is more a selfish, popular notion.

I constantly ran at full tilt, thoughtlessly adding more to my already overstuffed life. It seemed my yes’s were as prolific as my state of perpetual motion. It’s not surprising that at my breakneck speed, running was one of my great loves. My mantra was, “Why walk when you can run?”

Me crossing the finish line the Casino Niagara International Marathon in 2002. I ran my first long-distance race at ten years old and won and continued running and racing until 2006 when my back pain no longer allowed it.

There was never enough time in the day, and I would drop into bed at night, my brain full of all the things I had to do the next day while berating myself for those I hadn’t managed to accomplish—or not accomplish well enough. My to-do list regularly filled an 8 1/2 x 11 page! What an exhausting and chaotic way to live!

Fortunately for me, two things made a huge impact on my journey toward rest. One arrived about about thirteen years ago when my body rebelled and forced me to a literal standstill. The other was an intentional “Year of No” where I cleared my life of every single one of my commitments except those I needed to keep for family or friends. The first decision was forced on me, the other I chose as a result of how my life had so easily refilled a few years after the first.

Our front porch has become a favorite respite of mine. It’s where I enjoy my morning coffee and soak in the beauty of the waking day, the dew-soaked garden, and the chirping birds.

It’s humbling to ponder the reasons I chose to live my life at such a frenetic pace. I suppose for different personalities, the reasons we over-extend ourselves will look a little different, but perhaps there are some common threads, some of which you may recognize below.

A lot of my harried pace was linked to performance, striving, and people-pleasing. It wasn’t enough for me to take on a project or goal, I had to accomplish it to the absolute best of my ability. While there is nothing wrong with reaching for excellence, the way in which we do has much to say about our motives. Are we doing a project to garner accolades? Competing with others to be the best? Saying yes to please others? Constantly driving ourselves with unreasonable expectations or goals?

Lack of boundaries, saying yes without restraint, and not being intentional about taking time to rest lead to burnout. Some indicators of my maxed-out state were depression, anger, anxiety, resentment, forgetfulness, feeling overwhelmed, joylessness, and trouble falling asleep. Everything grew much more difficult. The smallest request felt like an enormous burden. Simple tasks such as answering an email took special effort and responding to friends attempting to choose a date to get together was daunting.

I’ve always loved plants and gardening, but during the years my life was over-stuffed, its upkeep became a chore and I had little time to sit and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

After my intentional “Year of No”, I discovered a sense of spaciousness in my life. This more balanced, simplified pace made room for stillness and space to recognize the beauty that was always present but which I had often overlooked. I began to appreciate the little things like sitting on my front porch, the first sips of my morning coffee, actually listening to the birds chirping, and enjoying my garden.

This uncluttered approach to life meant I could also more fully partake in the big things like time with my family and friends, and the found time to reach the goals and dreams I had often pushed aside for the sake of others’ demands and expectations. I was surprised to find that this slower pace was infinitely more fulfilling.

I learned that much of the striving and people-pleasing came from “fear of people” meaning that I cared too much about what others thought of me and drove myself in an effort to coax people to think well of me. The opposite of this is being secure in your identity, being present in truth, and loving others without abandoning yourself.

I’m slowly discovering what I should have known all along—I am loved by the One who made me, who loves me no matter how much I do or don’t do, and who is infinitely kinder to me than I am to myself. In Christ, I lack nothing and am fully accepted. In this, there is great security, peace, joy, and… rest.

It’s never easy to make room for rest and you may have to fight for it. It’s not a bad idea to schedule periods of rest into your day and into your calendar. Part of doing so ensures that you show up for yourself, are kinder to yourself, and are present and fully engaged in the parts of your life that really matter. If you’re not sure what those parts are, sit down and make a list of what is most important to you. Are you living in such a way that reflects the things that made the list? If not, adjust as necessary. Life is too short and too precious to not live intentionally!

Intentionally clearing space in my life created room to fully engage with my kids and ensure I don’t miss moments like these… swimming with my grandson.

“God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime.” ~ Author Unknown

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ” ~ Matthew 11:28