Our Easter

This Easter is unlike any Easter I have experienced in my lifetime. Most people living at this point in history have never had their lives disrupted by a pandemic and had to celebrate without loved ones. Many I know have lived comfortable, predictable, safe lives. Now, many of us are figuring out first-hand what it feels like to not feel in control (we were never really in control) and not feel safe.

It’s not comfortable. It’s not easy. And we aren’t accustomed to it.

Despite how difficult the COVID-19 adjustment has been, I am inspired by the myriad of ways those around me are helping others during this crisis. Some of you are making meals for the sick, some are shopping for neighbors, family, or friends in need, others are keeping us well-informed. Some are sending encouraging text messages or emails, others are setting up prayer meetings or zoom calls, and others are checking in on their friends on the daily.

Our medical staff is using their training to care for and heal the sick, and the teachers have pivoted to teach and support our children online. Neighboring children are writing colorful chalk messages of hope on the pavements. My son’s in-laws are making fabric masks and helping collect items for the food bank.

As unique as we are wired, we will also uniquely go through this time. We will use our various giftings in individual ways, and it will be marvelous to witness humanity rising to the call. But let’s also remind ourselves that just because one person isn’t doing what you’re doing, or what I’m doing, it doesn’t mean they aren’t doing what they should be—or need to be—doing right now.

This is a collective hardship and we will each approach it differently. What appears a looming mountain for one may look like a rolling meadow for another. That might mean that doing a load of laundry and making dinner was what they could do today. If another is highly productive during this time, for them, keeping busy may be their way of coping.

For some, this break may feel like a much-needed vacation—a wonderful improvement from their former harried pace. For others, it may seem like not much has changed. For others, this may stir up feelings of unease and anxiety.

Let’s not judge one another based on our own ideas of what we deem right but accept and help one another. Let’s celebrate the myriad of ways we will traverse through this and the limitless creativity that will be exhibited by our fellow humans in the process. Let’s be kind and patient with each other’s shortcomings, and the ways we find we can—or cannot—cope. Let’s ramp up the love and care for one another and overlook the rest.

Mariana, Kiki and Monty at Cottage
We have been blessed to have my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson with us during this time.

This Easter, and this week, as we care for those around us, I hope we will also take some time to pause and reflect on the One who taught us how to love and who offers hope. One who came to heal us both on the outside but more importantly on the inside. One who gave his life to give us life. Who conquered death and rose from the grave to give us a fresh start. And though the way we celebrate may look a bit different, the reason we do so remains unchanged.

Ting
Cozy, quiet morning reflections.

“And walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” John 15:13

 

 

25 Benefits of Trials

It’s easy to grow fearful in times of uncertainty. It’s easy to lose hope as we suffer through lengthy hardships. Events such as the COVID-19 pandemic remind us how fragile our lives really are.

Like any trial, we often cannot see an end in sight and this one is no exception. When we are staying at home, social-distancing, viewing reports of daily escalating numbers, suffering through mandatory business closures and potential loss of livelihood, we worry we won’t manage.

My mum used to say of trials, “This too shall pass.” And it will. When it does, things won’t be the same. We will have a new framework out of which to operate. I imagine we will have a more thankful mindset, a greater appreciation for others as we joyfully reconnect and fully embrace our renewed freedom. Trials arrive unexpectedly and loom large, but we can move through them with grace, peace, and even joy.

Monty at the cottage
Cuddling my grandson – one of the ways I’m savoring this slowed pace.

Continue reading “25 Benefits of Trials”

Why Are We Still Starving Ourselves?

modeling picIn the mid-’80s, when I was fifteen years old, I decided I wanted to become a model. A Toronto agent agreed to represent me but explained that I needed to lose weight. I had been a cross-country runner for five years and never in my life had I given a second thought to the scale. This particular year, I had discontinued running and had stopped growing. I was 5’7” tall and weighed 127 pounds. Now, for the first time in my life, someone was telling me I needed to consider what I ate.

I hadn’t a clue how to diet so I went to my family doctor for advice. He gave me a pamphlet that explained how to count calories, and so I began to figure out how to limit my food intake. Each Friday, I had to call into the agency to let them know how much weight I had lost. They wanted me to lose a pound per week. It was no small thing to change my eating habits since spending time with friends usually included things like ice-cream, candy, chips, pop, and McDonald’s visits. 

After managing to drop fifteen pounds, I was booked for a fashion show at Harbourfront in Toronto. I had been hard at work figuring out how much food I could eat and still lose weight. My agent had come to watch and afterward commended me on how well I had done in the show but told me I still needed to lose more weight. So I ate even less and landed at 108 pounds. For me, that meant virtually starving myself. 

comp sheet
Penny Noble Model Management – the agency I modeled under for 8 years.

I’m not sure how, but my sixteen-year-old brain realized that this wasn’t going to work. That not only did I dislike such a restrictive eating behavior, but that this lifestyle wasn’t realistic for me. I met with my agent and told her that I didn’t want to diet anymore or be a part of her agency. She told me that was a shame, but that if I could ever keep the weight off she’d be happy to have me back. After months of sometimes eating as little as 200-400 calories per day, it took nearly two years for my metabolism to return to normal. I’m thankful I chose to put a stop to the strict dieting before developing anorexia.

Two years later, and twelve pounds heavier, I decided to give modeling another try. I met with two agents who both extended invitations to join their agencies. Neither one mentioned my weight. I continued to model for several years after that in Toronto, Montreal, and on contract overseas. I realized that the problem with the first agent was that she was trying to make me something I wasn’t. She wanted me to be a thin, high-fashion model when I had a more girl-next-door commercial look. 

Sante mag cover

Don’t misunderstand me, I endorse exercise, healthy eating, and self-care, but just like my initial modeling experience, when we attempt to become something we aren’t—when we go to extreme lengths to be accepted but deny our true selves—we run into trouble. We become trapped on a treadmill of never-enough’s, people-pleasing while attempting to fill a soul-hole that can never be satisfied with the things of this world. 

Because here’s the thing, there will never be enough weight to lose, enough money to gain, enough compliments to receive to make us feel full. We’re starving and seeking to fill the emptiness with junk food. The lack of nutrients leaves us feeling even more depleted, but thankfully there is a remedy.

The Bible says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6) When we seek God, we are satisfied. When we desire God, the other fixes fade in importance. Our taste buds change, and we see the former things for the empty calories they were. No longer trying to be something we were never made to be, our identity grows secure in Christ and his love, and we partake of his rich blessings.  

The apostle Paul put it this way, “Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:8)

We find that all we ever needed and wanted—all that satisfies—is found at the feet of Christ. There we discover security, acceptance, healing, love, forgiveness, hope, peace, and joy—all the things we searched for but couldn’t find. In Christ, our true identity surfaces and an internal work of growth and transformation begins that no amount of earthly accoutrements could foster. From here on in, we are fueled by faith and nourished by the word of God secure in his promises.

I’ll leave you with this verse to ponder:

“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” (Matthew 16:26)
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  1. In what ways are you starving yourself trying to fill the soul-hole that only Jesus can fill?
  2. You can gain the whole world and lose your soul, or you can find Jesus, save your soul, and gain eternity.

Why Don’t We Feel Beautiful?

Girl on swing

I needed a head shot for the back of my book. During the photo shoot, the photographer told me about the number of women in their 40’s and 50’s she has listened to bemoan their appearance. That same week, while visiting some friends, there was an exchange about aging and someone postulated that those who are considered beautiful have a harder time growing old because they have farther to fall.

I thought about these two conversations, about wrinkles, and the way we – both men and women – view the aging process. I remember that as a child I thought wrinkles were beautiful, especially the smile lines around aging eyes. It’s sad that something so natural and inevitable should be something we’re ashamed of. I wondered why so we often don’t feel beautiful – really at any age – and why we’re so desperately trying to appear young. I could think of 5 reasons:

1. We have a corrupt view of true beauty born from dissatisfaction. Marketing campaigns tell us that to be accepted we must look young, fit, and beautiful, wear the right clothes and expensive jewelry, drive the right car, and smell fantastic. And we’re busy chasing after all of that because we believe them. It has become all-important, and we have become more and more insecure and dissatisfied with ourselves. As a result, we’ve lost our ability to notice truly beautiful things, exchanging them instead for the fleeting and the superficial.

2. We compare ourselves to others. Dissatisfaction also seeps in when we play the comparison game. When we make a habit of comparing, we fail to celebrate the endless variety and forms of beauty found in ourselves and others, and end up feeling dissatisfied with ourselves or our lives. It’s this dissatisfaction that steals our peace. It drives us to want more and be more, instead of feeling comfortable in our own skin and enjoying the unique beauty found in every human being.

3. We struggle to love ourselves. Perhaps you were bullied, or told you were ugly, or worse. When we look in the mirror and think we look ugly, or are tempted to believe the lie that tells us we aren’t enough or are worthless, we need to fight back. Here’s the truth: true beauty far exceeds your exterior appearance, or any label or insult you were given. God has infused our lives with His love, and that love has made us so much more beautiful in the unseen places that any make-up, wrinkle cream, fancy clothes, or photoshopped image ever could.

The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.  ~ 1 Samuel 16:7

But there’s more. When we meet God, He changes us from the inside-out, and continues to do so until our last breath. He offers His healing and love to every area of our lives, both seen and unseen. We were made in His image and that makes us infinitely precious. When we accept that we are accepted, we can begin to love ourselves and grow in confidence far beyond appearances.

4. We have an identity crisis. When our identity in God is secure, it’s difficult to be insecure. It’s not a bad thing to wish to be attractive – and most of us make an effort to do so – or to notice beauty in another. It’s when our exterior becomes our primary focus and ultimate goal that it begins to tamper with our true identity, our true beauty, and the freedom we find in Christ. When we believe we are unconditionally loved by Him, and that His love isn’t based on anything we’ve done or failed to do, our identity grows secure in Him. The pomp of the world becomes a lot less shiny, and we care less and less about how others perceive us. We relate to others more openly and freely, seeing them instead as one of God’s walking, breathing masterpieces and His prized possessions. We come to see ourselves the same way. Paradoxically, the less anxious we are about our exterior, the more beautiful we become.

5. We forget to be thankful for the living, breathing, creative masterpieces that we are. That leaves us feeling empty, no matter the full bellies, full closets, or full wallets. All of the stuff fails to satisfy us. Until we begin to be grateful. Until we understand that we are loved by God and made with a purpose for a purpose. Then we begin to be made beautiful through and through.

Let’s choose to celebrate the beautiful, marvelous, miraculous, and unique human beings God has made us to be, use our resources (time, talents, and finances) to build up things that won’t fade but that last in eternity. Let’s choose to be so securely tucked in God’s unconditional love that true beauty can be seen in us and we can glimpse it in others.

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  1. What do you think it would take to make you feel more beautiful?
  2. Of the list above, which area do you most struggle with?
  3. Try to set aside daily time with God and let Him secure your identity and self-worth.
  4. Write a list of the beautiful things you are thankful for.