A Grudge Against God

Angry at God?

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? …But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me. (Psalm 13:1-6)

It may have started as an unanswered prayer, a person who hurt you, a baby unborn, or a sickness unhealed. Disillusionment, disappointment and distrust settled in. You might have even turned your back on God, or believed the lie that He had turned His back on you.

Maybe you felt as though God had forgotten you, that your prayers weren’t important enough, or thought, how could a loving God let that happen? 

It may have been only a few days, perhaps a few months, or you may be going on several long years since you started questioning God, but no matter the amount of time, the feeling that God abandoned you in your need can be difficult to shake.

Living life can hurt from time to time. The hurts come in many forms, but whatever form they take, they may cause us to hold a grudge against God – sometimes even to the point that we stop talking to Him.

I once witnessed a woman struggling to forgive a deep wound inflicted by her father in her childhood. When asked if she could forgive him, she shook her head. Then, she was asked if she could forgive God for allowing it to happen. She was able to do so. Only after that could she go on to forgive her father and move toward deeper layers of healing.

Strangely…sometimes we need to forgive God.

I’ve seen people come to a place where they are not only able to accept a past hurt as a part of their unique story, but are able to thank God for what they formerly believed was for their ruin. Then, because of the authority they have gained from their experience, they not only heal, they move on to minister to others, helping them in their struggle. It aids in the fullness of their own healing, and they are thankful when they realize how far they’ve come.

You may never fully understand why the circumstance was allowed in your life, but know that God doesn’t waste a thing.

If you and God haven’t been on speaking terms for a while, could you trust Him enough to take the ashes of your situation and form them into beauty? the tears you have shed into fountains of blessing? the despair you’ve felt into praise? and the heartache and hurt into healing? God says you will be firmly planted and will bring Him glory.  (see Isa 61:3)

No matter how long it’s been, He is still open for conversation, in fact, He’s missed hearing from you. He’s never stopped loving you and cheering for you, longing for the time the two of you would speak again. Trust in His unfailing love for you, rejoice that He has saved you, and know that He has been good to you.

I bless you with the courage to begin the conversation.